Today’s post is going to take a different turn.
As you can see it starts with me addressing my “self”.I find it therapeutic to address what I’m going through via journaling, not necessarily daily, but every now and then. I’ve never been a person to vocalize or address my feelings. Not the daily feels we experience such as joy and hunger. That I’m okay with, but when it comes to what I’m really feeling on a deeper level, it’ll take me a while to really get to things. Half the pages will be filled with nonsensical blabber, but when I eventually do get to writing about feelings, I’m usually stunned by how much really goes on inside a person thoughts, including my own. Inspired by this I decided to extract the thoughts from my journal and bring it over to my blog.
Did I enjoy it all? Was it all to my liking? Could I have done better? I don’t seem to have concrete answers to those yet. Perhaps due to the fact that my mood does happen to change by the hour, or perhaps I Mika, am a very confused girl that got hurled out into the adulting world in the aims of conquering adulting.
Of course, I am aware that adulting is a very complicated cycle, and has its frustrating moments as we witness by the adults we encounter every day. One thing I was not aware of though, was that you have to have at least completed or started the self-discovery journey before jumping in with both feet into the whole “adulting thing”. Or else you’ll most likely get swallowed whole in due time. (Don’t mean to scare anyone, but it’s true)
This past year as I stated above, I have gotten the opportunity to try soo many new things which I am of course thankful for, and create the most amazing memories. Something that came up frequently though was me feeling detached. Sure you’d find me mingling with others, and having my mind blown by the things I was seeing…but I was simultaneously feeling really distant. I could feel myself physically there but my “self” was somewhere distant… even causing me to zone out at times.
On the note of being distant, I’ve also been distant with my blog. I’ll be publishing content just for the sake of posting and not get hyped about the whole process. And that is not the purpose of me starting this platform. The purpose of it is for me to actually provide you guys value through my stories, tips and tricks in the hopes of it meaning something to you guys.
Feeling ‘detached’ is not a pleasant feeling, take it from me. I took the time to try and figure out the root of it and why I was struggling so much. And that’s when I realized the self-discovery journey had to commence. When everything feels disconnected, out of place and off. You know it’s time to begin this journey. To work on yourself, you have to “know” yourself first. To be honest, right now all I know is fragments of myself, I cannot claim that I “fully” know myself.
Self-discovery is something everyone goes through at some point or another in their lives and it’s very abstract. You don’t know if you’ve done enough, but you can determine whether you haven’t done it at all. Self-discovery is one tricky journey to pursue. There are no set criteria on which you can base your progress on. Nobody can’t determine your progress, nor tell you if you’re going completely off-track, except yourself. You’re going to be your biggest fan and your harshest critic. Yeah to sum up the whole journey in one word: it’s tough. It is an immensely broad adventure, which is the main reason why it’s risky, but also exciting.
I thought I knew what I liked and disliked, and the reasons behind my opinions. Of course, I knew these likes and dislikes of mine could and would change over time. What I didn’t realize though, was that I hadn’t bothered to actually go through this list and evaluate what was on there. This so-called list was simply sitting on a distant shelf completely covered in spider webs and dust.
Our past experiences shape us, true, but so do our upcoming ones. I hadn’t been able to grasp this concept thus why I was struggling.
It’s okay to realize that things you used to like will someday get kicked off that list and be replaced with something else. Another trait I have that I am not proud of is the difficulty of letting things go. I’m a hoarder. Whether it’s clothes or even applications, I have a really difficult time when I have to get rid of them. Through this whole process though unless I figure out a way of working around the concept of” letting things go” I know I’m going to struggle. But by convincing myself better things will replace the things I’m refusing to let go off I’ll gradually be able to ease things for myself.
With this whole adulting world, I’ve been experiencing new things, I realized I’ve been feeling detached at moments where I am uncomfortable or where things are new to me. Now I wouldn’t have come to this conclusion had I not rambled about the moments it occurs in my journal and traced the patterns. How I am going to be tackling these situations though, I still haven’t figured out yet. But I will in due time.
If asked to describe who I am right now, I’ll merely give you the generic description I’ve been giving out until now. As I progress through this self-discovery journey though I’m sure you’ll be getting a much different answer. I’m going to be starting the Dear Self Series, not for the sake of starting a new series but to document my journey and my new findings.
If you’ve just recently decided to pursue a self-discovery journey, how is it treating you? And if there’s anyone that feels like they’ve done a substantial amount of self-discovery, do you claim that there’s a major difference regarding who you are now versus before you started it? Share your thoughts down below, I’d love to hear them.